Lost in Confusion.

They were darting towards her with the fury of a thousand storms. She wanted to scream but words failed her. Her mind was a conundrum of emotions. She knew not what to feel. And just when she was expecting the brutal blow of death, she heard something. A piercing screech which seemed to come from somewhere not so far but not so close either. Was it delirium? She could not fathom the unfolding of events, the violence of it all. And suddenly the ghosts started vanishing into thin air while the screeching got more and more pronounced. It started filling her already convoluted head and made her twist in agony. She was trying to wrap her fuzzy head around it and trying to somehow cut through the grogginess that beset her. And in a flash it struck her. She opened her eyes and woke up to the truth. “Darn it!”, she thought to herself. ” Another incoherent nightmare and that blasted jarring alarm. I hate Monday mornings!”

Writer’s(blogger’s???) Block

Sometimes you have nothing to say.Let me rephrase that.Sometimes there is so much on your mind but words just cease to flow.In the past couple of months, I have made umpteen visits to my blog and tried to pen a little something down. Needless to say, it has been of no avail. I have no idea as to where I am going with this post. There is no clarity of thoughts, no mental blueprint of what I am about to write or even a vague idea of the direction this is headed in. Is this what they call the writer’s block?

I think the whole point to blabbering on about my condition, which I am sure does not interest anyone, is to trick my mind into breaking away from this latency that has crept in. Maybe writing a pointless something will give the blogger in me the much needed impetus and get the creative juices flowing. Infact, I think its working already! I might just have something brewing in my head to blog about as I type this little blurb out.

Watchmen!!!

What do you get when you try to make a movie out of an iconic comic book ,use cutting age graphics and have a fan base like never before…utter rubbish! Its three hours of sheer torture. The movie proves beyond a shadow of doubt that some legends should be left untouched. They said Watchmen could never be recreated on screen and never a truer truth shall be told.

Watchmen does have its redeeming moments, but they are so blink-and-miss in comparison to rest of the flaccid and painfully protracted storyline that you feel exhausted by the end of it. Your brain and your body start revolting soon enough and trust me, many poor souls who were braving the movie with me chose to gracefully exit the theatre without any acts of violent retaliation to the torture they were subjected to.I laboured on and I admit, its not one of the smartest decisions I have made in my life. The soundtrack does bring you back to life from the movie induced reverie every now and then but you cant help sinking back into the seat looking at the horror unfold in front of you. Watchmen does have some stunning sequences and Dr Manhattan quite looks the superhero that he is but the dialogues are so mundane and the delivery so robotic that all in all, it spells boredom from the start to the finish.

I guess I am being way too critical but then what do you expect? I got out of the theatre just half an hour back. I will mellow down with time and Watchmen shall be cast to the deep, unreachable depths of my memory never to be recounted ever in my life.But till that happens, I maintain that Watchmen should not be watched by men or women or animals or aliens. Side effects include nausea, dizziness and severe brain damage!

My Bucket List!!!

1. Go bungee jumping on the Thames.

( That should have

been number 10 as it might just be the thing that kills me).

2. Wine and dine with Keanu Reeves under a starry sky…sigh!!!

3. Write a book…mmmm…..let me rephrase that…write a freakin best seller!!!

4. Build and own the best collection of footwear that the world were ever to see…Jimmy Choos, Louboutins et al

5. Get washboard abs and have a kick ass trainer…possibly have matthew mcconaughey train me :O …wt the hell!!!…I see pigs fly every now and then

6. Learn atleast 10 difference dance forms..salsa, tango, zumba,kathak etc etc etc and open a world class dance class which promotes the good old bollywood-masala-dancing-around-the-trees!!!

7. Take my closest family and friends on the most amazing trip around the world and have the most fun time ever.

8. Open a life school for small town girls with not so previliged backgrounds where they can train to be whatever they dream to be…teachers,dancers,engineers,models,singers…just about whatever they want to be

9. Watch all four tennis grand slam finals live, in action, on the court, in person and all in the same year and see federer clinch the French open.

10. Make sure atleast 5 of the above realise….Amen!!!

Unaccustomed Earth

If there were to be an effortless yet powerful narrative of the profundity of human emotions, this is it. Lahiri weaves magic. No bells and whistles, no fuss, straight from the heart. Her story telling is so honest and simple, and yet so poignant and vivid.

The book is essentially a collection of six different stories, all with a common underlying theme of Indian expatriates and their strifes and tribulations. The constant battle with emotions, the quest to discover their identity in a new country which is now their home while still being tied to their roots and the fortitude to deal with loss, heartache and pain. For those who have already sampled Lahiri’s work in the Namesake, this theme is not alien. But that does not take away the fact that the Unaccustomed Earth is like a fresh batch of cookies baked by an expert chef. The ingredients may be the same, the recipe might be old but its delightful every single time .The aroma just draws you in and before you realise it, you are craving for more. What sets the book apart is that the author somehow seems to get into the head of the protagonist and speak her thoughts out aloud. Be it Ruma who is trying to come to terms with her father’s newly found love post her own mother’s demise or the life journey of Hema where love eludes her for a long time, only to reunite her with her soulmate and in a flash have it all taken away. The plots are compelling to say the least.

It is one of those books which I would pick up when I am all by myself and raring to get lost in my thoughts away from the bustling crowd. I recommend a steaming cuppa, a snug couch and yes you guessed it right…freshly baked cookies to go with it. Lahiri will make sure you get in touch with your emotions. She is a reader’s delight.

Wake up!!!

I am based out of Los Angeles and I am a student at a premiere institution.Today evening there was a prayer service on campus for those affected by the craziness of the Mumbai terror attacks.It was an occassion for all Indians to get together and express their solidarity.An evening where the Indian youth, miles away from their mother land, could spend an hour to partake in prayer offerings and spread the message of peace.

We are the youth, the future of India, the supposedly elite class by virtue of our superior education. Afterall most of us are here for our Master’s or Ph.D. USC boasts of a 1200 strong Indian community. The turnout today was barely in the 80-90 range.Free pizza events, career fairs, rock concerts-are these the only things that draw us out in huge numbers?What do we attribute this to? Apathy, nonchalance or is it sheer boredom?What about those facebook status messages, those gtalk custom messages screaming out loud how angered and enraged we are?

Today I figured out why majority of the Indian population does not vote.It does not matter to us if it does not affect us directly.Are we waiting to lose a kith or kin to get a wake up call? What is wrong with us? What a disappointment! Our education is of no use if it does not teach us to be better human beings who care about the world that we live in.

Salute!!!

A nation of 1 billion, a city of 19 million and one of uncountable bravehearts. Its a country where civilians and soldiers unite as one when the need be.Its a nation where regional and religious differences bow down to the spirit of humanity and bravery. My heart swells with pride today as I say the words, “I am proud to be an Indian.”

To all the politicians out there who are blowing their horn about the opposition party leader and the Prime Minister travelling together in the same plane to Mumbai, guess what, WE DONT CARE. To Mr.Shivraj Patil, who stepped down as the home minister of the nation, claiming the “moral responsibility” of the attacks, please take your bag of morals and guilt and spend the rest of your life crying over it. We really dont care. To Mrs Sonia Gandhi, please go ahead and make frantic efforts to salvage your vote bank as you have started already. Heavens be cursed if you let the highest seat of power slip away from right under your nose! Fire the chief of intelligence, shuffle the cabinet, do whatever its takes to convince us citizens that you are taking “tough measures”. A tip might be handy here though. We as a nation are convinced that we have one of the most incompetent and lacklustre leadership and there is nothing you can  do to convince us otherwise. And finally, BJP, stop with the blame game.Even if you were at the helm of affairs when terror struck, none of us believe that you would have done anything differently.

The Indian defense line, be it the NSG, the ATS, the Indian Army or the likes, gives us a reason to believe, that we as a nation are an insurmountable strength. Now is the time to express our gratitude to them. Lash out against politicians who think its their birth right to have Z level security with Black Cat commandoes in their tow all the time.Vouch for compensation and perks of the highest order for the defense forces’ personnel.They deserve it.They are the real deal.Let us all go out and vote. Let us all be aware of our rights and policies as a democratic entity. There is a clause in our Election Rules which empowers us to force the political parties to send in deserving candidates.Below is an excerpt:

“Rule 49 (O) of the Conduct of Election Rules 1961 gives the voter the right to register at the polling booth, get his/her index finger inked, but refrain from casting the vote. The electoral officer then has to make an entry under the rule.If the rejections exceed the number of votes polled, a re-election is ordered, but the rejected candidates do not have the right to contest again.”

Let us embrace the true spirit of democracy and let us be heard.Let the India that it truly is shine bright.Let us salute the true India, of heroes and fighters and survivors.

Bravo!!!

In India affirmative action manifests itself in the form of reservations based on gender, cast, domicile yada yada. It is supposed to promote the underpreviliged and help them gain their rightful position and respect in a society ridden with discrimination. Needless to say, reservations have been nothing but a ploy to gain political mileage and a very weak and futile attempt at bringing various stratas at par. Funny though, how the same politicians who exhibit tireless passion when it comes to singing praises of the policy cringe at the mere thought of getting treated by an OBC doctor and settle for nothing less than the best of the lot, read, merit based genuine ones. Suddenly, some lives become more precious than the rest.

What has prompted me to write this post is something truly amazing that I came across. Bihar is synonymous with poverty and corruption and is seen as a primarily bucolic state with illiterate masses. Ironic how the state churns out a massive number of IITians every passing year. Actually, it makes perfect logical sense. With a complete breakdown of higher education, Biharis are hardly left with a choice. In pursuit of good education and a better life, they work harder than their counterparts and make their way to elite institutions of education. Coaching institutes of varied shapes and sizes have mushroomed all over the place. Some are doing a commendable job while others are nothing but a pathetic excuse of milking money.

Taking off from where I started, an institute worth mentioning is the Super 30. It is run by a Mathematics teacher and an IPS officer in Patna. It prides itself in taking in only the poorest and the most talented of the lot that the state has to offer. 30 children are taken in every year purely based on merit. Their expenses are borne by the institute for the period that they are under the aegis of Super 30. Over the years, this institute has shown unbelieveable success rates and this year they have hit the jackpot with a success rate of 100 percent. Quite a feat there!

More than anything else, what caught my eye was one Mr. Jai Ram. He is an OBC and falls under the purview of reservation. An easy ticket to gain entry into the IITs. It eliminates most of the competition and simply stated, makes life so much easier. Mr. Jai Ram comes from a family of six with his father being the sole bread winner working as a labourer. I dont even have to talk about the abject misery that the family is in. Doesn’t he sound like the perfect candidate who would use reservation to his advantage and break free from the shackles of poverty. But he chose to write the exam under the category of general candidates and boy did he crack it! Yes, my jaws dropped too!! What mettle and what confidence!! Just goes to show how real talent can never be slave to poor administrative and social policies.

I wonder what the likes of Mr. Arjun Singh have to say to a feat of this magnitude. I hope that we all take inspiration from the likes of Mr. Jai Ram and have the courage to face the vicissitudes of life with full faith in our abilities. “What a man has done, a man can do!”

Desi Delights!!!

Some colloquial and hybrid terms from desi-land which have found their way into our dictionaries and are used unabashedly from mallu land to la la land. They seep seamlessly into our daily conversation and actually lend colour and imagination to our language, often the tenets upon which our “Hin-glish” hinges:

1. “maal” : The hot chick who will never look in your direction. Basically the babe you cant stop drooling over.
2. “tubelight”: The moron whose response time can range anywhere from a couple of minutes to a day.   Your humor is often lost on him and he is on the slower side of things. Very subjective term though!

3. “jack or pauwa”: Nepotism. Only used when you are not the kith or kin of the big guy. Otherwise, its plain reference.

4. “solid”: Very strong and emphatic term. Used for people with hyperactive grey cells or supreme talent of any sort. “Woh to solid hai boss!” serves as an example.

5. “shaana” : The clever one, often very streetsmart and glib.

6. “backc***d”: Lets keep this blog clean, a very family affair! Readers please fill in the blanks in your head and do not say it out aloud! Basically refers to someone who indulges in small talk all the time and has nothing better to do than loaf around. Covers 50% of the Indian populace, yours truly included.

7. “timepass”: Very hinglish, used interchangeably as a verb, adjective or a noun depending upon the context. Example usage-

             verb: “Time pass nahi ho raha” read I am bored and jobless.

            adjective: “Kya timepass movie hai” read leave your brain at home when you go watch it.

            noun : “Timepass kaise karein?” read any suggestions how to kill time?

This was a cursory look at how we Indians communicate effectively. You can never go wrong with these gems. Twist them, turn them, use them the way you want- ultra flexible, ultra powerful and indeed very vivid. Known to express the most abstract of concepts with the greatest ease. The richer your vocabulary, the greater your array of options and stronger the expression! To learn more, expand your desi base. If you dont have one, go make some Indian friends. We are a fun (ny?) lot you see!

Dummies’ guide to ordering a Martini!!!

Ok…to begin with, I am one of the dummies!!!

So relax, sit back and read.I am not one of the pretentious oenophiles who will make you feel like you should be ashamed of your existence just because you dont know what a fine wine CLOS DU CAILLOU CHATEAUNEUF DU PAPE QUARTZ is  (I still cant say with confidence if its fine or for that matter a wine at all…the reader should exercise his own discretion in establishing the verity of this fact…quick hint..try googling it )

So coming back to the matter at hand, martini, the uber cool drink, the status symbol, the epitome of class and style, immortalized by the catch phrase “Shaken not stirred” courtsey James Bond. Little did I know that a lot of thought goes into ordering a martini and infact there is a protocol that should be observed when doing the same. The standard order would go something like, ” A Grey Goose martini, dry,straight up,dirty.”

Lets get into the details now. So you start with naming the liquor that you want.Purists say that when it comes to martini, gin is your poison and vodka is nothing but a cheap substitute. So depending upon how cool you want to look, take your pick! The next step is deciding how you want the vermouth. The range is from “very dry”, “dry” down to “very sweet”. Very dry would mean no vermouth( so essentially you are ordering plain ol’ vodka or gin) while “sweet” is a variation of vermouth which tastes better than the dry version and is often had straight up.

Moving on to the next bit which is “straight up”. You can have your martini either straight up or on the rocks. Straight up would mean that it has been mixed with ice to chill it and is then strained and served sans the ice. One should almost always have a martini straight up. Martini, plus on the rocks ,equals faux pas …so steer clear! And finally, if you love the taste that olive lends to martini and want to savour it from the first sip down to the last, make it dirty. The bartender will add a dash of olive juice to your drink and voila! You have pretty much nailed it! Enjoy the chic drink and look fabulous…afterall, isn’t that why you ordered it in the first place

And the lamest question is!!!

My favourite passtime is fishing for intellectually stimulating questions. I owe my stupendous IQ( I would peg it at around 50!) to them. They make such amazing food for thought that it takes me days of scratching my head before I can come up with anything that is even remotely connected to the question in question. Let me try and pen down a couple of them so we get an idea of what exactly I am talkin about.

Some of the most brilliant ones come from the social networking sites which leave me dizzy for days on end. A very popular site asks you to fill out details, apparently so that people know you better. So they throw questions like “In my bedroom you will find??.” I am at a loss. What do I say? You will find Hugh Grant! or the San Diego zoo maybe! or wait maybe Paris Hilton who is taking shelter for a couple of days, shying away from the paparazzi! Beats me.

Another question which crops up more often than not is “How are you feeling at this point?”. Almost everybody who has won an award or a competition gets shot down with this killer. “I feel horrible! I mean how could they do this to me?I know I am good for nothing!…sob sob…sniff sniff…Take this trophy away from me…I hate it!…I am the saddest soul alive!” How exactly can one feel at such times?Is there any creative answer to this question or anything novel that one can expect to hear ? Nevertheless, it remains a hot favourite.

Oh and yeah…there are so many times women get asked this question (even on a first date!!!)…”so what really is your type (of men)?”….dude, you certainly are not, especially after this question!!!…and yessssss…we sure have turned the damsel off who is distressed at your mere sight now

At times I wonder why I am such an ignorant retard and why am I perennially bored. Well…I can safely conclude…Its not all my fault!

Perils!!!

In my head today:

1. Caffeinated

2. Sleep Deprived

3. Crazy

4. Spring Break

5. Panda Express

6. Leavy Library

7. Polyphasic Sleep…no sleep…Need Sleep….wait a minit…..sleepless in seattle is a classic…have to watch it the 100th time now

8. Need to shop by the ton

Damnnnnn…its 12 already…get back get back get back…focus focus focus….yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn, stretch, groan……..oooo ryan phillippe i like …dream……………………..

WishList!!!

1. Jimmy Choos

2. Valentino

3. Tiffany’s

4. Moet & Chandon

Any takers ???

Go Figure!!!

A friend suggested today that I should develop an adaptive preference  for a certain form of ethylene hydrated beverage.It leads to one having a convivial disposition and makes her a vastly accepted bipedal primate.

Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

:)

“I’ve been thinking hobbes..”

-”On a weekend?”

-”Well it wasn’t on purpose…“

Random!!!

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot, The world forgetting, by the World forgot, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, each pray’r accepted and each wish resign’d!!!”

Dear D

Hi!…why are u perenially checking your emails these days?Why do you dwell constantly on the social networking sites?Why are you hellbent on making yourself look so pathetic by writing this post?

AlterEgo

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Dear AlterEgo

Simply put, I have no life!I am bored and jobless.I think I enjoy the rush that deadlines give me.I love to beat them.And now that I dont have any to chase, the nothingness is killing me.And the thanksgiving break just adds to my woes.Four days of lying around uselessly, counting sheep!I need a life.

D

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Dear D

Get a life or some friends here or go see a shrink!Take your pick.

AlterEgo

I Discovered!!!

Agreed that I am a voracious reader,agreed that I am a self confessed bibliophile,agreed that I pretty much read everything that is readable, but the sight of a book which has over 1300 odd pages can be quite intimidating even to the most seasoned of us book lovers.”A Suitable Boy” is a voluminous piece of work, so much so that you think  you can actually use the book to work your muscles out or maybe clobber somebody dead.

The appearance of it notwithstanding, I decided to pick it up. And boy oh boy did I do myself the greatest favour? What a beautiful piece of work!Vikram Seth never siezes to truly, truly amaze me. What a prolific writer!To think that someone can produce works of such diverse genres and yet have an impeccable command over each one of them surprises me pleasantly. From the “Golden Gate” to “Two Lives” to a “Suitable Boy”; each book such a vivid tale, so real, so touching. Blessed are the likes of me who have witnessed a glimpse of the talent that Vikram Seth is. All I can say is, Encore!

Walk to remember!!!

Stayed up all night on the pretext of studying,saw the sky turn from a romantic blue to a cheery,sunny white…walked to the coffee shop in the morning chill and treated myself to a coffee with some gooey,mushy muffin with equally crazy friends.

Mindless banter,random plans…small things at the end of the day that make life seem not all that mundane and dreary.Caffeine therapy can work magic at times.Try it sometime when you need a little kick to get you going.

Few of my favourite things!!!

Some of my favourite things said over the years:

“It is never too late to be what you might have been. “- George Eliot

  
                      “  We look before and after,
                         And pine for what is not:
                     Our sincerest laughter
                         With some pain is fraught;
                 Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought”–Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ode to a Skylark